Category: Parent Talk
hey all, how does everyone dicipline there child? just wondering. especially wondering how u guys dicipline your 2 year old? or if u help with a 2 year old, how do u do it?
I dicipline my 2 year old by time out. or if he hits me with something, i take it and put it up from him until im ready 2 give it back 2 him.
when disciplining a child it is important to remember a couple things. discipline comes from the same greek roots as disciple. therefore the purpose is to teach and to guide. If you are angry and want to punish, go take a walk.
children need to have clearly defined limmits of acceptable behavior. They need to feel secure that when we discipline them we love them. It used to make my dad so angry that after I did whatever i did to address the bad behavior and things were done, i'd talk about it and hug. he said that ws wimping out.
i may get the bad girl award here, but no two year old is going to get the time out thing. they can't sit still for long and it is too easy for us to forget about them. then they get up and get in to mischief again. a rule of thum is to have the child time out for one minut per year. therefor a two year old sits in the corner or whatever for two minutes.
It's much more effective to redirect the two year old then to time him out. therefore if he's kicking and screamin try to determine the motivation for the action. is he tired hungry, over stimulated? g
Always name emotions. A wise woman once told me that whining is anger directed inward. So when my kids would do that, I'd usually ask them why they were angry. Then i'd say that I'd listen to whatever they wanted if it was stated calmly and respectfully. Otherwise I had the special filters on in my ears and I wouldn't hear a thing.
in my house i figured out what would get the most results and it worked. it wasn't the same for each child. my daughter hated being isolated in her room. she would do anything to avoid not being timed out there. how she never figured out that she could play and i'd never know is a mystery. my son hated the lecture. i'd start and he'd get terribly upset. he'd be good to avoid hearing my soloquies. also he hated being made to stay inside.
As kids age, I'm a big fan of consequencial education. You know let the event teach them. For example, bobby has a science fair project due and a slumberr party to attend. Let him make the choice and deal with the aftermath.
I seriously love your ideas. I'm not a parent, but I am an aunt, and will kkeep them in mind. I was always brought up to understand things and to ask questions. If Mom didn't want me to do something she'd either tell me why or I'd ask and get an answer. It was never just "because I said So". I was hardly ever hit, except when I was really really bad. I was yelled at and sent to my room. As I got older, I'd eventually feel so bad for what I did that'd I go to her and apologise. Joanie's tactic was to ignore me. If I was bad, mabhy times, she wouldn't talk to me, or she'd talk in a very firm and serious voice. I never liked that at all. I like the idea of letting the child see the consequences of his/her actions. I was brought up with alot of respect given to me and was allowed to make my own decisions from a very young age. Of course, it was with age-appropriate things, but so long as it wouldn't harm me, I could do it. I learned pretty quickly what was right and what was wrong. I also fully agree with the idea, once your child is old enough, to speak with him/her and try to find out what's wrong. Many times, that could really help him/her feel better, knowing that he/she could speak with you and trust you no matter what. That trust is a blessing later on in life and the most important thing your child could ever have, even as an adult.
teaching modeling and encouraging decision making with consequences is the most important thing parents can do. i have a friend who is a teacher in middle school. she's been the schools for over a quarter century. her experience has shown that kids whose parents decide every thing for them are the ones most likely to get in to trouble and/or practice risky behaviors. just a thought...
This starts at age two. Take the kid to the store at 3 or four. say that there are two items for lunch. which do they want? simple but it gets the job done.
so what bout at age 2? like my baby changes his mind ill ask him, do u want this to eat? or that to eat? he'll b like this then he will b like that. i give him choices and as far as the time out goes, yea i know it is a minute per age, and to NEVER DICIPLINE OUTA ANGER!!! whippins don't work on kids either!!!
Actually, (even though I'm not a parent) I'd have to disagree that whippings "never" work. I have a 2 year old nephew that I'm responsible for on a semiregular basis (and who I've seen his parents disipline/reward even more often), and sometimes a swotting (which I would consider a spanking for his age) is the only thing that gets through. You can redirect and he'll simply go right back to whatever it is he's doing that isn't acceptable, you can put him and time out and he'll laugh and get right back up, you can talk firmly to him and he ignores you, but you give him a light swot on the leg and he knows your not going to tollerate it and he'll quit. This isn't all the time (sometimes I think it depends on his mood), but it is the case. For instants, about a week ago I was down at my Mom's and visiting with my entire family. My nephew halled off and kicked my 5 year old niece between the legs. My brother talked firmly to him and made him sit for time out, and what did he do? He got up and did it again. My brother swotted him the 2nd time and he quit...I'm one who when giving child care (going on the parents preferences of course) if allowed to swot I try everything else first. Spanking is the last resort, but sometimes effective, and maybe the only thing that gets through; though I've seen situations where even that hasn't worked...
Agree with cattleya. I was spanked as a young child, and it made me a better kid. Of course, my mom never spanked when she was angry, never used her hand, and always talked to me before, and after the spanking, and explained why she was disciplining me, and the best part was always her hugging and kissing me at the end, telling me she loved me. Naturally, if you spank a kid after he is about 7 or 8, you're just going to piss him off, and create rebellion, and let's face it, if you even have to spank a kid that old, it's not disciplin anyway, as most of the positive and negative traits are learned before 5 years old. That said, there is a fine line between spanking, and abuse, and you really need to be careful when getting physical with a child, and for God's sake, don't whip a kid that isn't yours, and don't whip your kid in public.
well, i spanked my kids and they turned out fine. i should have mentioned it but didn't want to get yelled at. hey they are both adults and well enough adjusted. it was only for speciffic circumstances. they got the hugs and lovins afterwards too.
The part about the two-year-old contradicting himself ... That's common in kids of that age group. For example, they'll want their shoes off and on at the same time. That's a phase, and he'll grow out of it.
and once he makes a choice if he changes his mind he has to stay with the first choice.
yea i know that it happened again this morning! his favorite words r now "me not" um, me not?? i was like, i didnt teach u those words, where did u learn those from? lol i guess they jus come up with there own words! lol. i hope he gets outa the "me not" stage soon, cuz, those words r so irratating!!
I also have a daughter that will be 2 years old in January. I usually just use a firm voice and sometimes that works, but when that doesn't I try time-out and then if nothing works I do spank, not hard though as she is young. Growing up my mom would spank me and all her other children when they did things that they should not have done as well as time-out, although I don't completely follow her method because she used paint sticks, wooden spoons, and metal spoons to spank, which I don't do because I remember how painful it was! It taught me the lesson intended when my mom did it, but I wouldn't want to use a wooden spoon on my child or anything like that. I feel like it instills too much fear in the child, and then when they get older they won't trust you as much because they will be afraid of you. I was this way, so I didn't always go to my mom for things as an adolescent/teen because I was always afraid of her I guess because she instilled that with the spankings I got. She was also a firm believer in slapping you across the mouth when you talked back, which I was always afraid of and hated. I believe that respect is good, but too much fear is not good.
Anyway, I try not to spank hard and don't use things like my mom did. My almost two-year-old has just gotten into the "no" stage, where everything is "no" and she is also in that contrary stage too where she wants one thing and then another at the same time.
misty, r u a single blind parent as well? if so, i wana talk 2 u mayb u can send me a private msg with ur number? or soemthin?
I'm not a parent, but I think that creative discipline/rewarding is key. I think that a time-out if more for the parent than for the child's benefit (I understand that sometimes parents just need a break for a few minutes!)... but I question how effective time outs are (based on what I have seen in other kids). If a kid is 2, why does he or she need to decide what's for breakfast? If there isn't an option given, then doesn't that just reduce the stress? When I was growing up, if I didn't like what was for supper, I could go without. Sure sometimes I had to eat brussel sprouts, but it didn't kill me.
Just some thoughts - take them for what they're worth.
Hi kristabell. Yes I am also a single blind parent. My daughter turns 22 months old today, and will be two in exactly 2 months, so she is getting close to that age!
Misty, my mom didn't use some of the crazy implements you discussed. She used a plastic cooking spoon, the kind with the slats in it. It didn't hurt, so much as it just stung. She never used her hand, because the thinking is that hands are supposed to be reserved for affection. I would never use a hand on a child, and never hit a child anywhere but on the rear end, and always with clothing on. I hear of parents taking the diaper off, or making the kid strip to their skin, and I feel like that would be inappropriate. Just my thoughts. Spankings aren't designed to be cruel or hurtful. They're designed for disciplin.
yeah and y we on the topic of dicipling, um, PLEASE DONT GET OFFENDED, BUT LET ME SAY THIS MY SON IS MIXED WITH WHITE AND BLACK...
SO N E WAYS ON TO MY QUESTION, WHITE PEOPLE AND IDK ABOUT MEXICAN PEOPLE BUT I KNOW BOUT BLACK PEOPLE HEY DICIPLINE THERE KIDS DIFFERENT!!!
ANYONE EVER NOTICE THIS???? AND WHAT IS THE REASONING BEHIND IT???
Probably culture.
Hmm, that's something I'd never noticed, but I agree with Jesse, it probably has to do with culture. IE, the way one is raised themselves, the way one is treated and how society reacts to different forms of disiplin performed by a given group. Also, I wanted to say, if anyone gets offended by your son's race being mixed that's their problem, not yours. :) From what I've heard malotto children are some of the most beautiful children.
Yeah. They can suck it up and deal with it. Don't worry about what people think. Just teach your son that he's special, and color makes no difference.
yeah true i had 2 cut some ppl outa my life cauz they used the "n" word round me and was like y u have a baby bye a "n" and i was all like OK u got 2 go!!! hell with your fake ass! i mean, hell, we all bleed the same, eat, poop, etc... the same! lol...
Look, I'm not a fan of biracial relationships personally, but that's personally. One of my close friends, who is white, is married to a black woman, and they are both wonderful people. Just because it doesn't work for me doesn't mean it doesn't work for them. Stand strong.
As far as discipline goes when i was a child, i was switched, and i was spanked with all sorts of things, such as cords, spatulas, coat hangers, butter knives, wooden and metal spoons, shoes, sandals, hair brushes, and belts, and no, my parents did not do all of that to me, though they did some of it. My relatives did the other stuff because my family had the mentality that everyone helped to raise the child, and I was raised indeed. I wonder if that is why I was so bad as a child? i was always told that I was a very rebellious child, even before I was one, as I asserted myself and made sure people knew I did things my way. Sometimes I wonder why my parents did not just kill me?
I'm a believer in consensual living. It is a concept that not many people embrace. I do not believe in rewards, punishments, or too many rules. I don't believe in giving children additional rules to follow. I believe that what I'm allowed to do, so can the children. I don't spend too much time telling children how to behave and what to do, I model what I would like them to do. If I don't want them to swear, then I don't swear. Children do not do as you say, they do as you do. I do this with all my God children, and it works very, very well. We all cooperate as a team, and everyone is happy, and this can start when the child is a baby. For more information on the concept of consensual living, check out There is some stupid music playing in the background, but if you try to listen through it and click the link to the first article, you'll get some information. That is my take on the matter of discipline. Take care.
Okay, first of all, I did the HTML coding wrong. If you click that block of text above, you will be taken to the site, but the entire block of text is linked, which I did not mean for that to happen. Furthermore, to make life easier, I went on the site and found the exact article that I feel you should read that gives insight into my beliefs concerning discipline, so you'd not have to fight that crazy music. The article is call "Consensual Living" and it is found at this link. I really hope this helps. This is a very hard concept for many to wrap their heads around, and it is okay if you all don't understand it or don't agree, but I just thought I'd bring something to the discussion and share with you my beliefs on discipline, as well as how well they worked for me in regards to my God children and any other children I've cared for. I'd like to use them on my own children also. It just seems so right to me that I couldn't do it any other way.